p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
