rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Actions speak louder than pants.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
