drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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