Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if only i could text you this smell
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
