i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
