Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
