Betty ford says i'm here all night
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
