: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
