we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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