Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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