This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
