There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
