Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
