Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
