You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
