He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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