I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
