ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
