and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize