yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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