so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
