I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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