What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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