Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
