"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What a dumb baby whore.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
