It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Drake has all the answers
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