Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
