it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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