Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
