Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just google imaged poop.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
