I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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