After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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