it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
