All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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