Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
