So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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