Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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