sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
nutella sex= disaster
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
