He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you made out with another girl for some wings
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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