I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
