I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Your penis caused this!
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