I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
