the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
