I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
