Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
