I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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