I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
