i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
