Just cropdusted the office
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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