First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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