I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
