i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
