I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
